Trauma and Bipolar Recovery
Trauma is a dangerous thing. In a fragile or undernourished brain, the stress of big life trauma can crack you and send you reeling into psychosis, paranoia, panic, and terrifying mood swings. Healing the trauma associated with mental illness is the focus of Second Stage healing. (In spite of the anonymity in the telling of this story, I need all of my readers to know that I tell this with express permission from my friend. Owning our experiences and telling ...
Waking Up Haunted?
Every once-in-awhile I wake up haunted by the things I used to do or say when I was really sick with bipolar. Does that happen to you too? Waking up remembering might be haunting, but it is one of the most beautiful parts about true Second Stage Healing. Heck, I remember times when I was heavily medicated and unable to wake up at all. I remember the days when I had to take a drug to get to sleep ...
Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety…What is the Difference?
Take a minute to look at the DSM-IV – the manual that your physician used to determine the criteria for your diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnoses are complicated things. That’s why many of our diagnoses have changed over the years. Mine changed from depression to BipolarI, to BipolarI with rapid cycles, to a final and extra comforting label of BipolarI with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Did you know that I was so sick – even while diligently following my specialist’s order ...
A Happy Sort of Panic
When I’m back from traveling, I can always count on three things. A mountain of laundry, a big hug from Dana, and at least three days filled with story-telling, excited, and somewhat needy children. When I get back from a trip, I can always count on a visit from my old friend ‘Panic’. This morning, I woke a little later than planned, dressed, grabbed a banana, a swallow of coconut milk, and a dose of the EMPowerplus micronutrient formulation, then ...
A Child with Anxiety and Obsession
I’m not a doctor. If I were a doctor, a brilliant, healthy little girl would be heavily medicated right now. Obsession is one of the toughest set of symptoms for me to write about. A young girl who holds a very special place in my heart has had a crippling and painful go-round with obsessive thoughts and compulsions. Who we once saw as a worried child quickly turned into a child so wrought with anxiety that it left her vomiting, ...
When I got lost
Have you ever been really lost? I’m not talking about that pay phone call, “Mom, I drove to the mall and can’t remember what exit to take.” (You remember the days before GPS and cell phones, right?) I’m talking about waking up one morning and not having a clue who you are anymore and how it is that you managed to land in THIS life with THESE people. If you can’t relate, that’s okay. Call yourself grounded or lucky. If ...
Defining Second Stage Healing
What is “Second Stage” Healing? I was using three prescription drugs to treat Bipolar 1 at the time my mother committed suicide. I was sick, but functional enough to care for family needs, dress her body, help plan her burial, heck, I even offered the prayer at the funeral. I went through all the motions of mourning, but on some level, I was incredibly numb to the experience. Years later, after the medications were eliminated and my mood was super stable ...
Can you really die of embarrassment?
When you use micronutrient formulations like EMPowerplus to balance your mood, you’ll discover that there is no magic pill effect. No sedation, no warm fuzzy feelings in your face or chest. (There are also no side effects worth mentioning either.) After days or weeks or months, once the old medications are safely eliminated, you are left with only yourself, a predictable mood, and some crystal clear memories of where you have been and what you did during the course of ...
Selling Yourself a Stigma
I am bipolar My Depression My symptoms My past My pain We are all like door-to-door salesmen, but knocking on our own doors… selling ourselves on owning something we don’t really want. You know how they hand you a catalogue, a knife or a pot or whatever and say your knife, your pot, your vacuum? Whatever it is becomes yours the minute you touch it. Tough to argue with ownership. It’s hard to let go of an identity you have ...
Reality is Always Kind
Reality Is Always Kind Fifteen years into my recovery from Bipolar I hit a wall. Too many triggers from too much trauma were creating too many panic attacks leaving me vulnerable and compromising my health and robbing me of my happiness as a mom. I had to retrain my memory. None of my memories were kind. What is reality and what is kind about it? In “A Promise of Hope” I wrote about the day my mother loaded my ...
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