Trauma and Bipolar Recovery
Trauma is a dangerous thing. In a fragile or undernourished brain, the stress of big life trauma can crack you and send you reeling into psychosis, paranoia, panic, and terrifying mood swings. Healing the trauma associated with mental illness is the focus of Second Stage healing. (In spite of the anonymity in the telling of this story, I need all of my readers to know that I tell this with express permission from my friend. Owning our experiences and telling ...
When a child dies
Sometimes life hurts. Today it is excrutiating. I’ve been through a terrible, terrifying week, holding vigil at the hospital as my brother lost his son to a dreadful illness. This is it. This is the pain I have been training for as I have learned to cope with reality without turning back to a fistful of medication. Now, in the midst of mourning, anger, and loss I will dig deep and remember my own advice. Get your sleep. (All night vigils for the former bipolar are a dangerous, slippery ...
A Happy Family Valentine
Today is Valentine’s Day. I stayed up late last night to decorate a surprise and woke early to put on a breakfast for my husband and children. The excited chatter at the table turned to singing – literally. My children spontaneously broke out in a happy lilting version of a children’s song that I taught them as babies. “As I have loved you… Love one another…” I laughed at nineteen-year-old James, and three sisters; Samantha, Melanie and Meagan, all singing ...
Without Medication, I Didn’t Like Reality
Today I ran away with my son. James’ job fell through for the day and my schedule was fantastically flexible, so we jumped in the car and left town. It’s a two-and-a-half hour drive to our favorite quiet spot, away from the everyday, and out of reach of our cell phones. We go there every chance we get–to dream and pray and consider our place in the world. Just before I turned off my phone, a dear friend, sitting in ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
Why Parenting Hurts
The hardest part about parenting is when your kids become who you used to be and you discover that you are, in some awful way, just like your own parents. Parenting is about seeing the world all over again from the other side of the fence. An old friend (I’ll call her Crystal) called today to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart. Crystal is making some tough choices, as a grown woman, that are impacting her daughter ...
Raising James
My son is not a problem child. He just needed help. James was sick too. He was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) when he was three and a half. His doctor said meds were too dangerous at that age, so he told me to wrap my boy up in a restraint when he had ‘fits’. Rolling James in a long carpet like a straightjacket and laying beside him, both of us crying, only happened once. I remember ...
Can you really die of embarrassment?
When you use micronutrient formulations like EMPowerplus to balance your mood, you’ll discover that there is no magic pill effect. No sedation, no warm fuzzy feelings in your face or chest. (There are also no side effects worth mentioning either.) After days or weeks or months, once the old medications are safely eliminated, you are left with only yourself, a predictable mood, and some crystal clear memories of where you have been and what you did during the course of ...
Selling Yourself a Stigma
I am bipolar My Depression My symptoms My past My pain We are all like door-to-door salesmen, but knocking on our own doors… selling ourselves on owning something we don’t really want. You know how they hand you a catalogue, a knife or a pot or whatever and say your knife, your pot, your vacuum? Whatever it is becomes yours the minute you touch it. Tough to argue with ownership. It’s hard to let go of an identity you have ...
Get Smart About Your Health
Forrest Gump’s momma always said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Okay, she’s better known for “life is like a box of chocolates…” but we’ll save that one for another blog. I woke up this morning thinking about how “Stupid” is only as stupid as what Stupid does and realized the same goes for “Healthy”. Healthy is what healthy does. Or Crazy is… Can I go there? I know, I know… It wasn’t a choice the first time unhealthy came knocking. ...
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