Trauma and Bipolar Recovery
Trauma is a dangerous thing. In a fragile or undernourished brain, the stress of big life trauma can crack you and send you reeling into psychosis, paranoia, panic, and terrifying mood swings. Healing the trauma associated with mental illness is the focus of Second Stage healing. (In spite of the anonymity in the telling of this story, I need all of my readers to know that I tell this with express permission from my friend. Owning our experiences and telling ...
A Happy Sort of Panic
When I’m back from traveling, I can always count on three things. A mountain of laundry, a big hug from Dana, and at least three days filled with story-telling, excited, and somewhat needy children. When I get back from a trip, I can always count on a visit from my old friend ‘Panic’. This morning, I woke a little later than planned, dressed, grabbed a banana, a swallow of coconut milk, and a dose of the EMPowerplus micronutrient formulation, then ...
Without Medication, I Didn’t Like Reality
Today I ran away with my son. James’ job fell through for the day and my schedule was fantastically flexible, so we jumped in the car and left town. It’s a two-and-a-half hour drive to our favorite quiet spot, away from the everyday, and out of reach of our cell phones. We go there every chance we get–to dream and pray and consider our place in the world. Just before I turned off my phone, a dear friend, sitting in ...
Are You Afraid You’ll Miss Your Manic Side?
Controlled creativity is a miracle for a once-upon-a-time bipolar person like me. I often hear from would-be Truehope program participants or EMPowerplus users who worry that they won’t be able to do their creative work any more if they “lose the mania.” Many functional bipolar people depend heavily on mania as a big money maker to launch careers or keep them on the cutting edge of their field. When I was bipolar, my frequent manias started with an art project and ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
Why Parenting Hurts
The hardest part about parenting is when your kids become who you used to be and you discover that you are, in some awful way, just like your own parents. Parenting is about seeing the world all over again from the other side of the fence. An old friend (I’ll call her Crystal) called today to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart. Crystal is making some tough choices, as a grown woman, that are impacting her daughter ...
Raising James
My son is not a problem child. He just needed help. James was sick too. He was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) when he was three and a half. His doctor said meds were too dangerous at that age, so he told me to wrap my boy up in a restraint when he had ‘fits’. Rolling James in a long carpet like a straightjacket and laying beside him, both of us crying, only happened once. I remember ...
When I got lost
Have you ever been really lost? I’m not talking about that pay phone call, “Mom, I drove to the mall and can’t remember what exit to take.” (You remember the days before GPS and cell phones, right?) I’m talking about waking up one morning and not having a clue who you are anymore and how it is that you managed to land in THIS life with THESE people. If you can’t relate, that’s okay. Call yourself grounded or lucky. If ...
Defining Second Stage Healing
What is “Second Stage” Healing? I was using three prescription drugs to treat Bipolar 1 at the time my mother committed suicide. I was sick, but functional enough to care for family needs, dress her body, help plan her burial, heck, I even offered the prayer at the funeral. I went through all the motions of mourning, but on some level, I was incredibly numb to the experience. Years later, after the medications were eliminated and my mood was super stable ...
When sanity becomes your new normal
When was the last time you noticed that you are sane? It’s a state of health that is taken for granted too often, but if you are floating around the second stages of healing from depression or bipolar, (or ADD for that matter,) you are likely a lot more appreciative of the luxuries of sanity than most people. Not quite there yet? Still working on the first stages of balancing chemistry and getting control of your health? Then take the ...
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