The Amish Secret
A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night, after my husband Dana and I retold our story about my 16 year recovery from bipolar. “Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said. ”You know, there are a lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for ...
Better Science, Better Treatment
Somewhere in the archives of American History is the story of the birth of psychiatry. It’s not a pretty beginning. It involved lobbying and coercion and deceit. It involved a whole lot of assumptions about why people behaved poorly, or hallucinated, or couldn’t get out of bed and function. It has been decades since the frontal lobotomy was the treatment of choice. Twenty-two years since the first research proving the addictive nature and crippling effects of benzodiazepine drugs came to ...
Waking Up Haunted?
Every once-in-awhile I wake up haunted by the things I used to do or say when I was really sick with bipolar. Does that happen to you too? Waking up remembering might be haunting, but it is one of the most beautiful parts about true Second Stage Healing. Heck, I remember times when I was heavily medicated and unable to wake up at all. I remember the days when I had to take a drug to get to sleep ...
Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety…What is the Difference?
Take a minute to look at the DSM-IV – the manual that your physician used to determine the criteria for your diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnoses are complicated things. That’s why many of our diagnoses have changed over the years. Mine changed from depression to BipolarI, to BipolarI with rapid cycles, to a final and extra comforting label of BipolarI with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Did you know that I was so sick – even while diligently following my specialist’s order ...
Without Medication, I Didn’t Like Reality
Today I ran away with my son. James’ job fell through for the day and my schedule was fantastically flexible, so we jumped in the car and left town. It’s a two-and-a-half hour drive to our favorite quiet spot, away from the everyday, and out of reach of our cell phones. We go there every chance we get–to dream and pray and consider our place in the world. Just before I turned off my phone, a dear friend, sitting in ...
Are You Afraid You’ll Miss Your Manic Side?
Controlled creativity is a miracle for a once-upon-a-time bipolar person like me. I often hear from would-be Truehope program participants or EMPowerplus users who worry that they won’t be able to do their creative work any more if they “lose the mania.” Many functional bipolar people depend heavily on mania as a big money maker to launch careers or keep them on the cutting edge of their field. When I was bipolar, my frequent manias started with an art project and ...
A Child with Anxiety and Obsession
I’m not a doctor. If I were a doctor, a brilliant, healthy little girl would be heavily medicated right now. Obsession is one of the toughest set of symptoms for me to write about. A young girl who holds a very special place in my heart has had a crippling and painful go-round with obsessive thoughts and compulsions. Who we once saw as a worried child quickly turned into a child so wrought with anxiety that it left her vomiting, ...
Save My Marriage!
Not everyone will cheer you on when you decide to move from medications to a normal healthy life. Sometimes our closest friends are the greatest skeptics. Fact is, if you have been diagnosed with bipolar, it is because you have done something that scared the living daylights out of your family. Whatever you did before is tough to forget. What you did makes them question your judgement now, especially if it was your idea to transition from medications to the ...
Why Parenting Hurts
The hardest part about parenting is when your kids become who you used to be and you discover that you are, in some awful way, just like your own parents. Parenting is about seeing the world all over again from the other side of the fence. An old friend (I’ll call her Crystal) called today to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart. Crystal is making some tough choices, as a grown woman, that are impacting her daughter ...
Pajama Party?
I woke up this morning to a call from a friend. She must not have known that I get to sleep in at least twice a year. I think the last time my kids let me sleep past breakfast was in the summer after camping and all were too tired to demand anything before 9 am. Since I had a new pair of fuzzy pajamas and a lot of post-Christmas party cleanup to do, I decided to take the day ...
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