The Amish Secret
A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night, after my husband Dana and I retold our story about my 16 year recovery from bipolar. “Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said. ”You know, there are a lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for ...
Waking Up Haunted?
Every once-in-awhile I wake up haunted by the things I used to do or say when I was really sick with bipolar. Does that happen to you too? Waking up remembering might be haunting, but it is one of the most beautiful parts about true Second Stage Healing. Heck, I remember times when I was heavily medicated and unable to wake up at all. I remember the days when I had to take a drug to get to sleep ...
Is It Too Late To Be A Healthy Mom?
Today was photo day for my boy, James. He’ll be leaving in two weeks. He’ll be gone for two years to Nicaragua. Today I watched him sitting in his suit, posing, and smiling. His whole life is ahead of him and the worst of the world is behind both of us. I remember a time when I wondered if he’d be okay. I wondered if he’d be messed up because of my bipolar swings between suicidal fury, delusional mania, and ...
A Happy Family Valentine
Today is Valentine’s Day. I stayed up late last night to decorate a surprise and woke early to put on a breakfast for my husband and children. The excited chatter at the table turned to singing – literally. My children spontaneously broke out in a happy lilting version of a children’s song that I taught them as babies. “As I have loved you… Love one another…” I laughed at nineteen-year-old James, and three sisters; Samantha, Melanie and Meagan, all singing ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
Save My Marriage!
Not everyone will cheer you on when you decide to move from medications to a normal healthy life. Sometimes our closest friends are the greatest skeptics. Fact is, if you have been diagnosed with bipolar, it is because you have done something that scared the living daylights out of your family. Whatever you did before is tough to forget. What you did makes them question your judgement now, especially if it was your idea to transition from medications to the ...
Why Parenting Hurts
The hardest part about parenting is when your kids become who you used to be and you discover that you are, in some awful way, just like your own parents. Parenting is about seeing the world all over again from the other side of the fence. An old friend (I’ll call her Crystal) called today to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart. Crystal is making some tough choices, as a grown woman, that are impacting her daughter ...
When I got lost
Have you ever been really lost? I’m not talking about that pay phone call, “Mom, I drove to the mall and can’t remember what exit to take.” (You remember the days before GPS and cell phones, right?) I’m talking about waking up one morning and not having a clue who you are anymore and how it is that you managed to land in THIS life with THESE people. If you can’t relate, that’s okay. Call yourself grounded or lucky. If ...
Defining Second Stage Healing
What is “Second Stage” Healing? I was using three prescription drugs to treat Bipolar 1 at the time my mother committed suicide. I was sick, but functional enough to care for family needs, dress her body, help plan her burial, heck, I even offered the prayer at the funeral. I went through all the motions of mourning, but on some level, I was incredibly numb to the experience. Years later, after the medications were eliminated and my mood was super stable ...
Ready…Set…Heal!
Ready…Set…Heal! So, I’m wondering about this notion of speed healing. Where did anyone get the idea that you can be sick and then sicker for years; medicated and then even more medicated for far too long and then drop it all in a week? “Drop the drugs and the habits and the hurts…Right Now!” yeah. right. I get fast-food mentality, the magic pill philosophy of sedatives and uppers and downers and SSRIs … but that expectation for instant sedation simply cannot apply to a groundbreaking, micronutrient ...
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