The Amish Secret
A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night, after my husband Dana and I retold our story about my 16 year recovery from bipolar. “Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said. ”You know, there are a lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for ...
Is It Too Late To Be A Healthy Mom?
Today was photo day for my boy, James. He’ll be leaving in two weeks. He’ll be gone for two years to Nicaragua. Today I watched him sitting in his suit, posing, and smiling. His whole life is ahead of him and the worst of the world is behind both of us. I remember a time when I wondered if he’d be okay. I wondered if he’d be messed up because of my bipolar swings between suicidal fury, delusional mania, and ...
I would never have signed up for that either, Grandpa.
I am the third generation of a mood swing mess, peppered with paranoia and salted with a stigma so smothering that it killed my mother and grandfather. When Grandpa was diagnosable, in his early twenties, America was in the shameful throws of sterilizing ‘mental deficients’ and performing frontal lobe lobotomies for mood swing resolution. I would never have signed up for that either, Grandpa. Grandpa kept his illness a not-so-well-kept secret until he finally, in an act of shame and ...
A Happy Family Valentine
Today is Valentine’s Day. I stayed up late last night to decorate a surprise and woke early to put on a breakfast for my husband and children. The excited chatter at the table turned to singing – literally. My children spontaneously broke out in a happy lilting version of a children’s song that I taught them as babies. “As I have loved you… Love one another…” I laughed at nineteen-year-old James, and three sisters; Samantha, Melanie and Meagan, all singing ...
Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety…What is the Difference?
Take a minute to look at the DSM-IV – the manual that your physician used to determine the criteria for your diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnoses are complicated things. That’s why many of our diagnoses have changed over the years. Mine changed from depression to BipolarI, to BipolarI with rapid cycles, to a final and extra comforting label of BipolarI with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Did you know that I was so sick – even while diligently following my specialist’s order ...
A Happy Sort of Panic
When I’m back from traveling, I can always count on three things. A mountain of laundry, a big hug from Dana, and at least three days filled with story-telling, excited, and somewhat needy children. When I get back from a trip, I can always count on a visit from my old friend ‘Panic’. This morning, I woke a little later than planned, dressed, grabbed a banana, a swallow of coconut milk, and a dose of the EMPowerplus micronutrient formulation, then ...
Without Medication, I Didn’t Like Reality
Today I ran away with my son. James’ job fell through for the day and my schedule was fantastically flexible, so we jumped in the car and left town. It’s a two-and-a-half hour drive to our favorite quiet spot, away from the everyday, and out of reach of our cell phones. We go there every chance we get–to dream and pray and consider our place in the world. Just before I turned off my phone, a dear friend, sitting in ...
Are You Afraid You’ll Miss Your Manic Side?
Controlled creativity is a miracle for a once-upon-a-time bipolar person like me. I often hear from would-be Truehope program participants or EMPowerplus users who worry that they won’t be able to do their creative work any more if they “lose the mania.” Many functional bipolar people depend heavily on mania as a big money maker to launch careers or keep them on the cutting edge of their field. When I was bipolar, my frequent manias started with an art project and ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
A Child with Anxiety and Obsession
I’m not a doctor. If I were a doctor, a brilliant, healthy little girl would be heavily medicated right now. Obsession is one of the toughest set of symptoms for me to write about. A young girl who holds a very special place in my heart has had a crippling and painful go-round with obsessive thoughts and compulsions. Who we once saw as a worried child quickly turned into a child so wrought with anxiety that it left her vomiting, ...
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