Trauma and Bipolar Recovery
Trauma is a dangerous thing. In a fragile or undernourished brain, the stress of big life trauma can crack you and send you reeling into psychosis, paranoia, panic, and terrifying mood swings. Healing the trauma associated with mental illness is the focus of Second Stage healing. (In spite of the anonymity in the telling of this story, I need all of my readers to know that I tell this with express permission from my friend. Owning our experiences and telling ...
The Amish Secret
A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night, after my husband Dana and I retold our story about my 16 year recovery from bipolar. “Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said. ”You know, there are a lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for ...
Is It Too Late To Be A Healthy Mom?
Today was photo day for my boy, James. He’ll be leaving in two weeks. He’ll be gone for two years to Nicaragua. Today I watched him sitting in his suit, posing, and smiling. His whole life is ahead of him and the worst of the world is behind both of us. I remember a time when I wondered if he’d be okay. I wondered if he’d be messed up because of my bipolar swings between suicidal fury, delusional mania, and ...
Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety…What is the Difference?
Take a minute to look at the DSM-IV – the manual that your physician used to determine the criteria for your diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnoses are complicated things. That’s why many of our diagnoses have changed over the years. Mine changed from depression to BipolarI, to BipolarI with rapid cycles, to a final and extra comforting label of BipolarI with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Did you know that I was so sick – even while diligently following my specialist’s order ...
Without Medication, I Didn’t Like Reality
Today I ran away with my son. James’ job fell through for the day and my schedule was fantastically flexible, so we jumped in the car and left town. It’s a two-and-a-half hour drive to our favorite quiet spot, away from the everyday, and out of reach of our cell phones. We go there every chance we get–to dream and pray and consider our place in the world. Just before I turned off my phone, a dear friend, sitting in ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
Save My Marriage!
Not everyone will cheer you on when you decide to move from medications to a normal healthy life. Sometimes our closest friends are the greatest skeptics. Fact is, if you have been diagnosed with bipolar, it is because you have done something that scared the living daylights out of your family. Whatever you did before is tough to forget. What you did makes them question your judgement now, especially if it was your idea to transition from medications to the ...
Why Parenting Hurts
The hardest part about parenting is when your kids become who you used to be and you discover that you are, in some awful way, just like your own parents. Parenting is about seeing the world all over again from the other side of the fence. An old friend (I’ll call her Crystal) called today to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart. Crystal is making some tough choices, as a grown woman, that are impacting her daughter ...
Selling Yourself a Stigma
I am bipolar My Depression My symptoms My past My pain We are all like door-to-door salesmen, but knocking on our own doors… selling ourselves on owning something we don’t really want. You know how they hand you a catalogue, a knife or a pot or whatever and say your knife, your pot, your vacuum? Whatever it is becomes yours the minute you touch it. Tough to argue with ownership. It’s hard to let go of an identity you have ...
Ready…Set…Heal!
Ready…Set…Heal! So, I’m wondering about this notion of speed healing. Where did anyone get the idea that you can be sick and then sicker for years; medicated and then even more medicated for far too long and then drop it all in a week? “Drop the drugs and the habits and the hurts…Right Now!” yeah. right. I get fast-food mentality, the magic pill philosophy of sedatives and uppers and downers and SSRIs … but that expectation for instant sedation simply cannot apply to a groundbreaking, micronutrient ...
Follow Autumn: