Putting Stigma to Shame
The hardest thing about Second Stage Healing is believing that you are better on a morning when you wake up feeling like a pile of garbage. (That was yesterday. Today I am feeling fine, thank you!) Psychiatric patients or those who have decided to opt out being one, know that every little thing can be attributed to ‘your mood disorder’ once you have been labelled with a disorder. It has taken me better than half of my 16 years of ...
The Amish Secret
A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night, after my husband Dana and I retold our story about my 16 year recovery from bipolar. “Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said. ”You know, there are a lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for ...
When a child dies
Sometimes life hurts. Today it is excrutiating. I’ve been through a terrible, terrifying week, holding vigil at the hospital as my brother lost his son to a dreadful illness. This is it. This is the pain I have been training for as I have learned to cope with reality without turning back to a fistful of medication. Now, in the midst of mourning, anger, and loss I will dig deep and remember my own advice. Get your sleep. (All night vigils for the former bipolar are a dangerous, slippery ...
Have You Hit Rock Bottom?
I know you are out there. You are the girl who couldn’t get out of bed today. The one who lay in bed until 3pm only to wake for a toilet break and stumble back to the blankets. You ate cold cereal and took a handful of meds and you wondered why you keep trying at all. The meds probably squashed that voice that keeps telling you to end it. You think about your own death once in awhile, but ...
I would never have signed up for that either, Grandpa.
I am the third generation of a mood swing mess, peppered with paranoia and salted with a stigma so smothering that it killed my mother and grandfather. When Grandpa was diagnosable, in his early twenties, America was in the shameful throws of sterilizing ‘mental deficients’ and performing frontal lobe lobotomies for mood swing resolution. I would never have signed up for that either, Grandpa. Grandpa kept his illness a not-so-well-kept secret until he finally, in an act of shame and ...
Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety…What is the Difference?
Take a minute to look at the DSM-IV – the manual that your physician used to determine the criteria for your diagnosis. Psychiatric diagnoses are complicated things. That’s why many of our diagnoses have changed over the years. Mine changed from depression to BipolarI, to BipolarI with rapid cycles, to a final and extra comforting label of BipolarI with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Did you know that I was so sick – even while diligently following my specialist’s order ...
What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar? DSM-IV Evaluation
Plenty of people ask me, “What are the symptoms of bipolar and are you really 100% free of those symptoms?” After checking out this information from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, 1994 (American Psychiatric Association, 1400 K Street NW, Suite 1101, Washington, DC 20005-2403 USA), I can happily say that I am, 100% not bipolar anymore and have been well and drug free for 15 years. For many years before I started using the EMPowerplus micronutrient formula ...
A Happy Sort of Panic
When I’m back from traveling, I can always count on three things. A mountain of laundry, a big hug from Dana, and at least three days filled with story-telling, excited, and somewhat needy children. When I get back from a trip, I can always count on a visit from my old friend ‘Panic’. This morning, I woke a little later than planned, dressed, grabbed a banana, a swallow of coconut milk, and a dose of the EMPowerplus micronutrient formulation, then ...
Are You Afraid You’ll Miss Your Manic Side?
Controlled creativity is a miracle for a once-upon-a-time bipolar person like me. I often hear from would-be Truehope program participants or EMPowerplus users who worry that they won’t be able to do their creative work any more if they “lose the mania.” Many functional bipolar people depend heavily on mania as a big money maker to launch careers or keep them on the cutting edge of their field. When I was bipolar, my frequent manias started with an art project and ...
To Honor My Mother
What good can come of a suicide? None. Even so, I wrote this article in honor of my mother and all of the good we have tried to create in the wake of her terrible death. Did you know Debbie? She was a dedicated mother and a loving wife. She was the kind who sang her heart out in the kitchen, worked in group homes for lost and lonely teens, volunteered in schools, and every once in a while, started up a little ...
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