Second Stage Healing

DEFINING SECOND STAGE HEALING

I was using three prescription drugs to treat Bipolar 1 at the time my mother committed suicide.

I was sick, but functional enough to care for family needs, dress her body, help plan her burial, heck, I even offered the prayer at the funeral.

I went through all the motions of mourning, but on some level, I was incredibly numb to the experience. Years later, after the medications were eliminated and my mood was super stable (because I was using the EMPowerplus micronutrient formula), the anniversary of Mom’s death came ‘round again.

This time, unmedicated, I felt it deeply, remembered it clearly, and I mourned as though I had just gotten the phone call to say she was gone… Every stage of mourning had to be re-done and the pain was exquisite, but, oh what relief!

The beauty of honest feeling, even when the feelings are deep and painful is worth any struggle you have to endure to get there. Feeling is really living.

Admittedly, I was impatient with myself about the reliving and the renegotiating of moments and memories long past until I realized this was my opportunity to set things right with me. This was what it felt like to truly be alive!

I embraced my feelings. I realized I had many ‘leftovers’ from my bipolar life that needed to be disposed of, so, a long journey of self-acceptance and forgiveness began.

I started a search for second stage healing methods so that one day, I could feel complete.

What’s the theory?

Medications often have an emotion numbing effect that makes memories and triggers seem less intrusive. People report feeling not only numb, but disconnected while using even the most common anti-depressants.

What happens when you are suddenly ‘connected’ to your past again and you don’t have the skills to deal with it? For so many of us, increasing our meds is the only skill we have when faced with trauma or triggers.

If stage two isn’t addressed, panic, shame, self-doubt, anger, resentment, and crippling embarrassment can take over. That doesn’t mean stage one didn’t work, it just means that there is more practical healing to do.

  The To Do List:

1) Recognize what memories or habits are ‘Leftovers’ from times of illness. Are the memories real? Write a timeline of your life and be honest about what it looks like.  Be compassionate. If you were talking to a friend and this was her timeline, how would you feel for her?

2) What memories trigger a physical or emotional response in you?  Look for anxiety, anger, urgent bowels, sweating, sudden hunger, tears…

3) Prioritize which of these ‘Leftovers’ most urgently need to be disposed of and consider using any or all of my favorite methods, (or find your own), to get the job done!

 Resources:

There are ample resources in books and online or even in a counselor’s office where you can learn about strategies others have developed to address painful triggers and shut down physical responses to them.

I have studied in part or full, everything from cognitive behavioral therapy, third person journal writing, mantras and meditations, forgiveness strategies, and of course, the hours spent on my knees in prayer have grown innumerable as I’ve  learned to see things in my memory differently so I can move on happily.

I’ve read books by the dozen, and never adopted a whole strategy from any, but my current favs are “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie and “The Feeling Good Handbook” by Dr. David Burns.

Find what works for you.

 Go to the “Leftovers Blog” for hints and tips on Second Stage Healing.

If you have a favorite ‘second stage’ style book or method, please share your story with me so I can include it in my future blogs.

 

Image: nuchylee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net