Psychiatric patients or those who have decided to opt out being one, know that every little thing can be attributed to ‘your mood disorder’ once you have been labelled with a disorder. It has taken me better than half of my 16 years of drug-free wellness to discover that  not every bad, tired, grumpy or unmotivated day is a fog horn calling out that I am never going to get it right, or that my diagnosis still defines me.

Normal women have moods. Normal women get fed up with hormones. Normal women feel anger, fear, and frustration at the unknown. Healthy mothers infrequently spend a sleepless night wondering about a wayward teen or fretting about a preteen daughter. Healthy mothers have some ups and downs; days where self-confidence can wax and wane from one end of the scale to the other. Stop beating yourself up about normal things. See how far you have come!

Just let it go.

Take a look around you at the other women in your life. Everybody has an issue. Everybody has a problem. If you think you know someone without an issue or a problem then you don’t know them well enough.

As a person in the throes of Second Stage Healing, you are thinking clearer and seeing farther into your life than ever before.And that is not always fun or rewarding. You are finding the sources of your triggers and panics, balancing chemistry with micronutrients and allowing yourself to heal in every way. Part of the healing is in allowing others to heal as well.

There is no shame in healing.

Look kindly on the people around you and then allow yourself and others to have good and bad days without judgement. Accepting yourself and others will do a world of good to put stigma to shame and allow you to thrive in your new normal life.

Go find your peace.

Image: Louisa Stokes / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve heard from many of my new online friends who tell me that their reaction to real life stress, after they have been using the formulation for awhile, seems to be so much more controlled and manageable. They’ll be happy to know that their improved stress coping ability is not imaginative…  it’s a fact!

Get this…

In September 2010, a 7.1-magnitude earthquake struck Christchurch, New Zealand. The physical damage to the city was phenomenal, and the fear and’aftershocks’ of panic and emotional terror were difficult to bear for locals who lost loved ones, homes and security.  When the earthquake hit, there were ongoing studies being conducted at the University of Canterbury assessing a micronutrient formulation.

Researchers had already built a base line of data from study participants, so they knew what the participants were experiencing in terms of attention problems  and stress levels on a regular basis. What would happen now that they had all experienced the earthquake? Would the experience be any different for people who had been using the micronutrient formulation compared to others who had not? Researchers wondered if mood stabilizing micronutrients would have an effect on a real life stress situation.

Results…

Both groups were similar to each other with regards to gender, marital status, age, IQ, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, and levels of personal loss and injury from the earthquake.

Researchers followed up with all study participants 2-3 weeks after the earthquake using a questionnaire that assessed each participant’s current emotional state—focusing on levels of stress, depression, and anxiety.

People using the micronutrient formulation experienced reduced anxiety and stress by nearly 65% — more than 3 times greater than the reduction in the unsupplemented group.

The next time someone tells you there isn’t a pill to help with real life, tell them that a healthy brain and nervous system simply deals with real life, better!

References:

1. Rucklidge J, Blampied N, Post – Earthquake Psychological Functioning in Adults with Attention–Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: Positive Effects of Micronutrients on Resilience. New Zealand Journal Vol. 40, No. 4 2011

2. Rucklidge J, Johnstone J, Harrison R, Boggis A. Micronutrients reduce stress and anxiety in adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder following a 7.1 earthquake. Psychiatry Res. 2011Jul 29.

Photos from http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/christchurch-earthquake/index.html

(In spite of the anonymity in the telling of this story, I need all of my readers to know that I tell this with express permission from my friend. Owning our experiences and telling them if and when we are comfortable with the telling is an important part of Second Stage Healing.)

I got a call from a friend today. She’s been a long time on the path to healing. We laughed and talked about all of the ways each of her most painful traumas in life were sorted, one Second Stage event at a time. It wasn’t easy…

My friend described the trauma of discovering that she was a product of rape, (and that that is why her mother gave her up for adoption when she was just over a year old). Do very young children remember the trauma of separation or rejection from a parent? Do the memories of those moments filter into the everyday and come back to haunt a teen or an adult?

As a young mother, dealing with her very little children, my friend could not make ‘proper’ emotional connections. She turned to rage, drugs, and extreme work hours to distance herself from her children. And then she abandoned them, spiraling into severe bipolar behaviors until she was finally diagnosed and hospitalized. In the hospital, she was sexually assaulted by a fellow patient… and then, she cracked.

Even still, her trauma would not end. She met her birth sister on a weekend pass from the hospital, after decades of separation. Her sister was bipolar too. She hoped for a reunion of lost souls, but, months later, got the news that her sister committed suicide…and my friend was alone again. Her path to healing was marred with deep ruts and treacherous pitfalls.

Seven years of ‘treatment’ included multiple addictive medications and a myriad of electro convulsive shock treatments that robbed her of her feelings and her memories. When I met her, she was so sick that I didn’t believe there could be any hope for her recovery. How could I, the author of A Promise of Hope, not believe there was hope for her? Well, if you’d met her ten years ago, you would understand…

I was so wrong!

This woman, my friend, has gone on to heal and then to be a healer in her own right. With a clearer chemistry, using EMPowerplus instead of drugs, she has fought her way back to a painful and beautiful reality. She married, got custody of her then preteen children whom she had once abandoned, gave birth to two more babies and started the process all over again, this time, with a different set of tools. She is a success. She is passionate and compassionate; heading a charity that serves to help single mothers and rape victims and the homeless, and the hopeless.

Second Stage healing is never easy because trauma induced in real life, or gathered from life in a psych ward is not simple to deal with. But, mark my words, there is hope… and I’ll never doubt another’s ability to recover again.

A young bearded man in a top hat and carefully crafted dark cotton pants stood talking to me last night

“Thank you for talking about the two sides of the problem.” He said.  ”You know, there are a  lot of people who just want a pill like a drug or, even a natural pill. They swallow the pill and sit back and wait for happiness to find them.  They need to know that happiness happens when you do what it takes to find it.”

I went back to the hotel wondering if what he summarized as my message was really what I had taught in that seminar. I got thinking that after “the natural pills” changed me, after I got off of the drugs and stopped raging and swinging and hallucinating, I was so much better in terms of bipolar symptoms, but I was still left with me. My history, my thoughts, feelings and assumptions were a painful burden. I still had to deal with my hurts, beliefs, relationships and habits…and not all of them were good. If I had sat back waiting for peace and happiness to come my way, I’d still be waiting.  I  didn’t wait though. When my head cleared I hit the ground running.

The Amish know…

Many of the Amish understand my favorite life skill. Long after my initial recovery from bipolar I continued to have deep panic. It took me awhile to realize that every panic has a source. Although some panic is related to post-acute-withdrawal syndrome, discontinuation syndrome or other chemistry issues, other panic is related to real life.  When I got tired of fits and panic and feeling lonely, I learned to face my issues head on, forgive my past, and change my feelings. It takes honest Amish-style forgiveness to pull this off. Do you remember the story of the school house shooting? The Amish taught us to forgive the present even before it becomes the past. When I learned to forgive myself and others I learned to let go of almost every trigger that ever caused me panic. ( One of my favorite tools is The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns.)

Forgiveness isn’t the only happiness inducing skill. There are many other factors to being whole and happy. Consider the emotional effects of addictions, destructive habits, sleep-deprivation, diet extremes  and lack of exercise. Consider the positive and proven effects of faith, meditation, and time taken for personal reflection.  Take one thing at a time. Learn one skill at a time.

You can do this! You can move beyond simple pill taking to creating real change in your own life.

Be deliberate about your future!

This is it. This is the pain I have been training for as I have learned to cope with reality without turning back to a fistful of medication.

Now, in the midst of mourning, anger, and loss I will dig deep and remember my own advice.

Get your sleep. (All night vigils for the former bipolar are a dangerous, slippery slope.)

Eat rationally and continue micronutrient supplementation. (Remember the earthquake study? Micronutrients actually increase coping ability.)

Feel what you are feeling. (There is no right or wrong in mourning. Embracing real feelings is the beauty of Second Stage Healing.)

Everybody goes through hell sometimes. Everybody experiences reality in its ugliest form somedays. Today I am grateful for having learned how to cope with the regular rain of emotion so that I can survive today’s torrent of agony in a healthy way.

Oh, Baby Zeke, how will we smile again without your bright eyes and your fantastic swing-from-the-hip toddler walk when the family gathers for dinner? Our loss is Heaven’s gain, and no doubt, your fluffy cherub hair will have you fitting right in with the rest of the angels.

It has been decades since the frontal lobotomy was the treatment of choice. Twenty-two years since the first research proving the addictive nature and crippling effects of benzodiazepine drugs came to light; and sixteen years since the discovery of the connection between mental illness and multiple micronutrient deficiencies. 

The discovery, made by a couple of Canadian laymen and confirmed initially by hard-core psychiatric patients on multiple medications – people like me, has now been studied in independent medical research more than any other formulation in history. There are currently 17 medical journal publishings the world over.

The discovery is changing every assumption that modern medicine has made about mental illness.

It is changing the way scientists defend the “scientific method”. It begs questions about the demand to look at one element at a time. Can we accept the notion that nature provides multiple elements that work synergistically in order to achieve a positive effect in the complex chemistry of human neurological function?

We are complicated beings, but, it turns out, the answer to the compulsions and behaviors of mental illness is not so complex.

The world is changing. The earth is not flat, and new ideas and better science prevails with each rising generation.

Here’s to the miracle of discovery and the evolution of psychiatry!

You can read about the discovery of the pig inspired micronutrient formulation in my book, ” A Promise of Hope”.

Every once-in-awhile I wake up haunted by the things I used to do or say when I was really sick with bipolar. Does that happen to you too? Waking up remembering might be haunting, but it is one of the most beautiful parts about true Second Stage Healing. Heck, I remember times when I was heavily medicated and unable to wake up at all. I remember the days when I had to take a drug to get to sleep and another to clear the fog and another to take me off a mountain top mania and then another to scoop me off the floor and then another to get me to sleep again… and on and on it would go. But it was always without feeling.

Now, I might dread the early morning wake-up remorse, but I love the feeling of being real, remembering clearly and knowing that today I will choose to do better, choose to feel better and choose to live my life any way that I want to. Because I can. Because the out-of-control side of bipolar chemistry has been resolved for me by using the EMPowerplus micronutrient formulation instead of a fistful of medications.

For all of you EMPowerplus users who are hoping for utopia over reality; the next time you wake up haunted, remember that waking haunted is a sign that you are here now, and able to feel and choose and be deliberate about the day ahead of you!

Hooray for Second Stage Healing and all of the brave people who are going after real life and real health!

Image: Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You are the girl who couldn’t get out of bed today. The one who lay in bed until 3pm only to wake for a toilet break and stumble back to the blankets. You ate cold cereal and took a handful of meds and you wondered why you keep trying at all. The meds probably squashed that voice that keeps telling you to end it. You think about your own death once in awhile, but part of you remembers that mania is just around the corner, and maybe that’s worth living for.

They call it rock bottom.

I’ve been there. Fifteen years ago, I was exactly where you are today. Bipolar 1 with rapid cycles and schizophrenic tendencies. Nice label. Terrible, unpredictable, miserable life punctuated by moments of hope. It was the hope for something better that kept me from killing myself the way my mother and grandfather did. Then, along came my miracle, and yours…the discovery of that micronutrient formulation from Canada, (they call it EMPowerplus now,) changed everything.

I don’t know why micronutrients work to change this stuff for people like you and me. Scientists are working hard to figure it out, but there are over 80,000 people like us who have used EMPowerplus to make a change that the meds weren’t making for them. You can do this. You can learn about a ‘new’ discovery, that for your grandkids, will be the first line of defence against mental illness.You don’t have to wait. Do your homework, or have a loved one do it for you.

Decide how you will live your next fifteen years.

]]> http://www.autumnstringam.com/2012/03/have-you-hit-rock-bottom/feed/ 0 http://www.autumnstringam.com/2012/02/is-it-too-late-to-be-a-healthy-mom/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=is-it-too-late-to-be-a-healthy-mom http://www.autumnstringam.com/2012/02/is-it-too-late-to-be-a-healthy-mom/#comments Thu, 23 Feb 2012 04:32:54 +0000 Autumn http://www.autumnstringam.com/?p=745

It's never too late...

Today was photo day for my boy, James. He’ll be leaving in two weeks. He’ll be gone for two years to Nicaragua. Today I watched him sitting in his suit, posing, and smiling. His whole life is ahead of him and the worst of the world is behind both of us. 

I remember a time when I wondered if he’d be okay. I wondered if he’d be messed up because of my bipolar swings between suicidal fury, delusional mania, and black velvet depression. I wondered how he’d ever grow to be ‘normal’ when all I could do is confirm to him that nothing in the world is certain…nothing predictable, nothing safe, nothing joyful.

Thank Heaven for the miracle of discovery! I started the turn around when James was three-and-a-half. His earliest developmental years were certainly a mess of inconsistency on one level, neglect on another, but it wasn’t too late to make things different. I tried through both stages of healing to make things right.

It’s never too late embrace healthy.

If you are a mom who has struggled with moods and manias, don’t lose hope. It’s never too late for your kids to have a healthy mother. You can follow thousands of others and use the principles of first and second stage healing to get healthy, find balance, forgive the illness and become who you really want to be.

James gave an interview on the weekend. He sat, lit up, with cameras rolling and told about how he has watched me grow, over our nineteen years together, into a healthy person. My twinge of guilt for the first years was quickly overridden with happiness for the years that we have shared, after my illness. Healthy did not come all at once, but James has witnessed the worst and the best of me. In a way, we have grown up together…

It’s okay to grow up with your children…

My mother sits on her father's knee

When Grandpa was diagnosable, in his early twenties, America was in the shameful throws of sterilizing ‘mental deficients’ and performing frontal lobe lobotomies for mood swing resolution. I would never have signed up for that either, Grandpa. Grandpa kept his illness a not-so-well-kept secret until he finally, in an act of shame and desperation, used medication to kill himself. He was about 50 when he died.

My mother suffered in silence and with the delusion that she was alone with her tortured self. She tried drug treatments off and on but an admission of illness was more than she could bear. Being “a Manic-Depressive” marred her family name and shamed her with the fear that all the world would know they were “not right in the head.” She was medicated when she committed suicide. She was only 40 years old.

I accepted a diagnosis of bipolar as soon as my doctor said it. I was twenty, a new mom, and out from under the family influence. My mother was angry with me for doing it, but I took all the medications that my doctors prescribed and fared no better. After my mother died, I tried 13 different meds, some long term hospitalization, and was told to go have my tubes tied because I would never be well. Then, mercifully and miraculously, I took my place in the unravelling of an incredible medical discovery, made by my dad and another layman from Southern Alberta, Canada. I was torn from the grips of stigma and shame and lifted off the mood swing when micronutrient deficiency was discovered as the source of my symptoms. 

People are still dying for shame over what the world thinks is an incurable disease. But, what in Grandpa’s generation was once worthy of torture and sterilization, then in Mom’s generation, managed with life-long benzodiazepine addiction; what was once a shameful death sentence, is now a manageable issue of micronutrient balance and mood control. My generation will deal with post-acute-withdrawal syndrome as we overcome our addictions to benzodiazepines. We’ll go through the messy discontinuation syndrome as we give up our SSRI ‘happy pills.’

I did it for my children.

The world is changing once more. My children talk about mood swings and mental health with about as much shame as the common cold can wield. In our home, we know what to do about the mood swings…still working on that cure for the common cold!

You are a new generation. 

New Life Without Stigma